Why So Many of Us Feel Like Running Away

Everyone cries out, “same!” when you express the desire to run away and live by yourself, don't they?

It’s high time that we address this issue. But let me clarify. There’s hundreds of things that can build up to the exhaustion that causes this thought. But, for now, let’s just stick to one of them for the sake of our shrinking attention spans and our peanut-size interest in getting to understand complicated stuff: living by someone else’s rules for too long.

So many of us were raised in homes where approval was conditioned and emotional expression was policed (“oh, hear come the tears again” or “don’t get smart with me”). Do you know what constantly living in such an environment does to our nervous system? It keeps it in a near-constant state of tension.

The tension from always trying to anticipate reactions. Always editing ourselves to stay out of trouble. Always performing an act.

It’s exhausting. Physically, and mentally.

So when young adults who have been keeping up this act well past their teen years and into their adulthood start pulling away from their parents, it’s not that they’re being ungrateful or dramatic. It’s about self-preservation. They’re simply trying to find a space where their body and mind can breathe without the fear of judgment, shame, or conflict. And in the process, they’re disengaging with the space of the opposite kind, mostly because they’re out of energy.

The quiet distancing is often the last resort when repair feels too draining to even attempt. The parents, however, often interpret this as an act of defiance, disregard, or utter disrespect.

It would be a real blessing if more people realized that sometimes, healing starts with a breathable space. The space where people can just be without having to worry about how others see them or what consequences might follow. This space is extremely important because it helps people feel like themselves again.

And when people feel like themselves, they are gifted with the energy to connect more with the people they love — even parents.

But unfortunately, most people (read: most parents) aren’t exactly aware of this. So the exhaustion persists. And the thoughts of running away persist.

And when someone finally decides that they need to act on this thought, they tend to carry a quiet bit of guilt along with that decision. The guilt of having to move away from some of their most beloved people in the world for the sake of the version of themselves that kept trying to earn love through compliance.

So, there you are. I’m going to refrain from mentioning complex stuff like our culture glorifying sacrifice and guilt-bonding, but I will say this: emotional suffocation is real. And many people do feel it. As evidenced by the way I started this little write-up.

And no, it doesn’t have to come to actually running away (or moving out) all the time.

Not if everybody does their part.