What Shuts Down Communication & How to Overcome That

Learn the 7 most common behaviors that block connection. Discover simple ways to improve your communication skills to rebuild trust and encourage deeper conversations.

Why Good Intentions Don’t Always Lead to Good Conversations

Many older adults, parents, partners, or simply well-meaning people genuinely want to connect with the younger people in their lives. They want to support, guide, and protect. But often, the way they show up unintentionally shuts down the very conversations they’re trying to encourage.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I often say to my clients: your intention might be care, but your tone might sound like control. And this is enough to make the other person pull away.

If you've ever tried to talk to someone and felt like they withdrew, shut down, or got defensive, this blog is for you.

7 Common Behaviours That Shut Down Communication

These aren’t exactly bad behaviours. They’re just patterns that many of us slip into without realizing how they feel on the receiving end.

1. Correcting Instead of Connecting

Jumping in with “Actually, that’s not right” or “Here’s what you should do” too soon makes others feel small, even if your point is valid.

2. Story Hijacking

Someone shares something vulnerable, and you respond with your own experience immediately. It might feel like connection to you, but it often feels like being sidelined to the other person.

3. One-Upping Pain

They tell you that they're struggling, and you reply, “You think that’s bad? When I was in (some challenging situation you were in)…” That comparison shuts down emotional sharing.

4. Tone of Authority

Even soft words wrapped in a listen-to me-I-know-better tone can create a power imbalance that blocks openness.

5. Unsolicited Advice

Jumping into problem-solving mode can make people feel like a task to be managed instead of a human to be understood.

6. Overgeneralizing or Labelling

Statements like “Your generation is too sensitive” or “You men always do this” generalize and invalidate individual struggles.

7. Performing Concern Instead of Practicing Presence

Constant checking-in or offering help when it hasn’t been asked for can feel more like control than care.

How to Build Better Communication With Simple Shifts

These small behavioral tweaks don’t require big effort. Just a lil bit of awareness and practice. They help people feel safe, seen, and respected.

1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Conclusions

Try, “That sounds tough. How are you thinking of handling it?” instead of “You should…”

2. Mirror Before You Mentor

Before offering advice, say, “I get why you’re feeling this way. I’ve felt that too.” Proceed with advice only if they express an interest in learning more about your experience.

3. Use “I remember what helped me” Instead of “You should”

Share your experience with humility: Here’s what helped me; though your path might look different.

4. Ask for permission before advising

A simple “Want me to just listen? Or do you want me to suggest something?” creates mutual respect.

5. Make Room for Silence

It's very tempting to jump in with advice to fill the silence. Let pauses happen. They show you're listening, not just waiting to speak.

6. Affirm Effort, Not Just Outcome

Say, “It's great that you’ve thought this through” or “That took courage to share” instead of focusing only on results.

7. Be Open to Learning, Not Just Teaching

Say, “Hey, I hadn’t thought of it this way!” or “Wow, I didn't know about this.” to encourage mutual exchange instead of hierarchy.

Your Takeaway

• Everyone wants to feel heard. They don’t really want to be fixed.

• The best way to open up communication is to drop the ego and show up with curiosity and care.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, partner, or just someone trying to connect better — remember: it’s not about saying the perfect thing, it’s about being a safe space.