The Bear Who Wanted To Die (But Not Really)

Bearville was a typical capitalism-fuelled town where average bears lived an average life of 60–70 years (but only really flourishing in the early 12 or so years of innocence and heartfelt fun). In this town of Bearville lived Brown Bear — a typical 25-year-old office-goer with a job he initially prayed and prayed for but now was just a plain old annoyance that helped him pay his bills and buy fun but useless objects that distracted him from his gray feelings. So you can imagine what Brown Bear’s typical day looked like, right? Get up, run on autopilot to fulfill responsibilities of being an adult in a capitalistic world, go to sleep. His only real solace, now that even shopping had kinda lost its charm, was the Bear-Vada Pav guy who remembered how he liked his Bear-Vada Pav (extra sweet chutney with two green chillies), and never messed up his order.

Literally every night, Brown Bear laid in his bed whispering to the heavens, “Take me, Bear God. Please. I’m done. There’s no meaning to my existence. Take me. Please.”

But it seemed like Bear God was too busy scrolling through her own Godstagram feed to answer Brown Bear’s prayers.

So every morning, Brown Bear would wake up and get ready to pretend to be totally fine and ready to take on the world.

One morning, as Brown Bear was crossing a road, he saw a fast-approaching bear-car. A thought crossed his mind: what if I.. don’t move? But he did move, and he did end up walking faster in order to get out of the car’s way.

Survival Instincts- 1, Death Wish- 0

“I’ll do it next time,” Brown Bear told himself.

The opportunity for “next time” came soon enough. A rogue bear-cricket ball came hurtling towards Brown Bear as he was walking home one evening. Brown Bear’s paws shot up in a split second and cleanly caught the ball before it dented Brown Bear’s fragile little head. Brown Bear’s heart thudded like crazy.

“Phew, that was close!” Brown Bear thought to himself.

It was actually after the fifth or sixth escaping-fatal-injury incident that Brown Bear decided to sit up and reevaluate his night-time “take me” death prayers. He thought hard, and somehow landed on an epiphany — It wasn’t death he wanted. He actually wanted freedom from the unrelenting darkness and chaos in his life. He didn’t want to not exist; he just wanted to live a different version of life but didn’t know how.

Brown Bear sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Alright, Bear God,” he said, “I get it. Instead of asking for death, maybe I should pray for a different kind of change.. or, like, ask for a cheat-code for life?”

So that’s what Brown Bear did— tried to bring about a change. Brown Bear started praying for a new beginning. A beginning lined with a little bit of hope and a little bit of clarity. He decided to start small, like with a fur-cut he always wanted to try, and asking the Bear-Vada Pav guy how he liked his Bear-Vada Pav.

As he stood at the crossing one morning, a bear-truck zoomed toward him, honking aggressively. Brown Bear confidently stepped back, and let the chaotic little thing (actually, the truck was pretty big, not little at all) pass. He couldn’t help but smile to himself a bit.

Things were slowly starting to feel less gray.