When Two Sides of You Want Opposite Things: How to Handle Inner Conflict

Have you ever felt stuck because a part of you wants X and another part of you wants the complete opposite of X?
Like:

• One side of me wants to rest, but another side nags me to stop wasting time

• I want to walk away from this person… but I also desperately want this to work out

• A part of me wants to speak up, but I also don't want to upset anyone

• I want to change… but I’m terrified of things changing

Almost everyone goes through this. Yet, very few people openly talk about how confusing it is to negotiate between these inner voices.

If you’ve ever wondered how to handle both sides without betraying one of them, I got you.

This blog gently walks you through a way of understanding these internal conflicts. I've used simple language, relatable analogies, and practical tips you can actually use on your own. No jargon. No complex theories. Just you learning to work with yourself instead of fighting yourself.

Why inner conflicts feel so exhausting

Most people assume that their confusion means that they’re indecisive or weak.

But there's more to this story.

Inner conflict happens when different parts of you are trying to protect something important. Like safety, connection, dignity, or peace. They just have different strategies that don't complement each other.

It’s like having two friends who love you, but give completely opposite advice.

One says: Please don’t risk getting hurt again.

The other says: But you can’t keep avoiding everything.

Neither friend is wrong. They’re just looking at your life from different angles.

Think of your mind like a small committee

Imagine you’re the chairperson of a tiny internal committee.

You have:

• The one who plays it safe

• The one who takes risks

• The one who loves love

• The one who hates conflict

• The one who keeps aiming for perfection

• The one who freezes whenever things get out of hand

Problems happen when the committee meets, and everyone shouts at once.

Your job is not to shut anyone up.
Your job is to listen, understand, and negotiate.

This is what people struggle with the most. Not because they’re incapable, but because no one ever taught them how.

Why self-negotiation feels impossible when you’re alone

In therapy, we have someone gently slowing things down and helping us see the "emotional logic" of each side.

But on our own, it feels like:

• If I pick one side, I’m betraying the other

• I don’t know which voice is the "real me"

• I can't tell what's right, what's wrong

Here’s the good news, though.

You don’t have to silence one side to honor the other.
Both sides have wisdom, and you learn it when you slow down enough to hear them properly.

A simple 3-step method for negotiating with your inner conflicting parts (it's not as complicated as it sounds, I promise)

Use this whenever you feel emotionally torn.

1. Name BOTH sides without judging them.

Most people only hear the louder side. Instead, try:

• A part of me is scared of change

• Another part of me really wants better things

You’re not choosing sides.
You’re just acknowledging them.

2. Dig deeper. Ask each side what it’s worried will happen if you don’t listen.

This is the most important step. All you have to do is go, "hmm, let's talk to this lil part of me".

When you internally talk to both sides, you’ll hear things like:

• If you rest, you’ll fall behind

• If you don’t rest, you’re gonna lose your mind

• If you stay in this relationship, it's gonna be emotional hell

• If you leave, you’ll feel lonely and that royally shucks

Every inner voice is trying to prevent some kind of pain.

Once you understand the fear underneath, the whole thing becomes less chaotic.

3. Try a “trial period agreement” instead of forcing the final decision.

Most inner conflicts soften when you tell them: Let’s try this for a short while and see how it feels.

For instance,

• Let’s rest for one hour

• Let’s take space from this person for 3 days

• Let’s try expressing 10% of what I feel, not 100%

You don’t need to make a lifelong decision.
You just need to build internal trust.

Small experiments help both sides feel seen and respected.

Consider this example: The "I miss him more than he misses me" conflict

One side says: Just text him! Tell him you miss him!

Another side says: No! He doesn't tell you that he misses you! You’ll come off as desperate.

Underneath that:

• One side fears rejection

• The other fears loneliness

• Both sides fear losing connection

• Both sides want dignity and closeness

• Both sides are trying to protect your heart

A negotiation between both parts might look like: Okay, let’s not text him right now. Let’s wait 12 hours, hang out with a friend, and see how we feel later.

This gives both sides space, instead of letting panic make the decision.

Signs you’re learning to negotiate with yourself

You’ll notice:

✓ Less guilt
✓ Fewer emotional spirals
✓ More clarity
✓ Calmness even when confused
✓ Decisions that feel aligned instead of forced
✓ Inner voices that get softer, kinder

You’re not eliminating your inner chaos. You’re learning to lead it, to manage it efficiently.

When should you consider therapy for this?

If your inner conflicts feel:

• overwhelming

• repetitive

• impossible to untangle alone,

a therapist can help you slow down and make sense of all sides of your inner world, without making you feel judged.

This work becomes much easier with support, especially when your inner voices feel loud or panicked.

If you’d like a space where all of your sides are welcomed, heard, and understood, you can explore therapy sessions through Munnsense Counselling.

🌿 Sliding scale slots available on request
🌿 Online sessions in Marathi, English & Hindi
🌿 Safe, warm, trauma-informed support for young adults trying to make sense of their emotions